GREETINGS, MINIONS!
Let's Face It: Politics is All Fucked Up
America has devolved into party representation. You're either a donkey or an elephant, and if you don't align with either animal, you don't have a seat at the table. Instead of focusing on issues to help the great people of our nation, you put all your hopes and dreams on the backs of the puppet from your chosen team and spin years of our life away on the roulette wheel of time.
Let's face it: you're gonna die. How many politicians and governing leaders have fulfilled even one promise for you? Do you have faith in the system or do you feel like just another cog in the imperialist machine? Are you getting greased regularly to maintain your efficiency or are you going to rust and break just to be replaced by another fresh cog? Wouldn't you like to know the function of the machine and get to bear fruit from your labor? Don't you think everyone in our world feels like you?
Forget borders, sovereignty, or diplomacy; this world needs a leader. It needs someone who can identify with the people, and who can inspire us to work together, but knows how to maintain order. What we need is the Lord Overlord...that's where I come in.
WHO AM I?
A mortal coil here to save humanity
At my very core, I exist to help people. Or at the very least, rule them with an iron fist.
MY CORE VALUES
Working Today For a Better Tomorrow
ENVIRONMENT
Did you see "Biodome" with Paulie Shore? Like that except, global.
COMMUNITY
Humanity has no place for petty squabbles. You will learn to love your fellow man, or you will be shot into the sun.
ORDER
An Elite Security Force tasked to help to protect us from each other and any extraterrestrial invasions.
CAPITOL HILL: MINIONS SWEAR FEALTY TO LORD OVERLORD
January 20, 2023
In an unprecedented decision, unknown political novelty, Jack Forbes, has won the vote of confidence from the American people. Forbes, who hails from the small town of Truckee, California, earned national recognition in 2020 after his fake political campaign and catchy signs went viral and affected the hearts of the nation. His slogan, "Truckee First, Then the World," was a championing cry of the underdog and was met with a thunderous response from American citizens who were dissatisfied with the deception and pageantry of Washington politics.
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Forbes aligned himself with the newly founded Orwellian party, which he coined himself after 1984 author, George Orwell. Unhappy with the political status quo himself, Forbes started on a mission to remind voters that the nation was founded by the people. "It's an amazing time for us to be alive," he said on Hardball with Chris Matthews in 2021, "we're finally living in an age where all people, no matter their color, gender, or personal identity are being recognized and represented as human beings. Though it's far from an ideal situation, we can now truly say that America is for the people, by the people. Our final hurdle is determining how we change the political makeup of Washington."
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Before Congress, Forbes swore his oath to the American people and through tears, he announced that he was changing his title from President to Lord Overlord. "While I am honored to serve the American people," he said, "The world needs a leader. The time for division is over. I aim to serve all people of the world, for you are my minions and I am your Lord Overlord." A mixture of murmurs and applause erupted from the Congress, but Forbes continued his address. "Remember, that I was chosen by the people of this country - not lobbyists, big business, and the upper echelon of society. I swear no loyalty to the snakes of the world who pander to anonymous constituents and bank accounts. I represent those who work two jobs to support their family; those who struggle to raise children in a world that values only how much work they can squeeze out of parents; those who look at the wealth of the past and disparity of the future; those who have the courage to embrace a judgmental world despite their differences; those who brave life for the chance at a better one; those who speak against the evil in the world at the cost of their own liberty; those who challenge the social norms because they are not inclusive. I serve the people, for I am borne of the people."
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As his first official act, Forbes issued this decree: Any person acting against the greater good of their fellow person will be exiled to the moon - those who resist will be shot directly into the sun. SpaceX has been awarded the contract for the moon and sun missions. The first shuttle will be set to launch on February 1st, 2023 and will be escorted by the newly formed Space Force. There is also discussion about modifying the International Space Station into a slingshot for sun missions, though Lord Overlord suggests that recurring sun missions will be "highly unlikely."